There was once a Chinese elderly father and his three sons... I was told this by my Chinese philosophy professor who summed up modern Chinese thinking in a story. Being an American Chinese male, it invoked weird feelings... There was once a Chinese elderly father and his three sons. The elderly father tells his sons: ""Children, I am dying and will not be on this earth for much longer. When I die, what will you do with my remains?"" The oldest replies: ""Father, I will take your remains and plac…

A Sunday school teacher was talking to her class of kindergarten students about Heaven. She said: "If I sell my house and my car and give all the money to poor people, will I go to Heaven?" "No," chorused the children. "What if I quit my job and spend all my time helping orphans, then do I get to go to Heaven?" "No," answered the children in unison. "Okay, so just how do I get to go to Heaven?" One little boy shouted out: "You gotta be dead first."

You and me baby ain't nothing but mammals so let's cheat and murder for insurance money like they do on Investigation Discovery Channel.

Hi, I'm your son's teacher, Ms. Frizzle. Funny story, your kid is dead and inside a tortoise