An average American voter walks into a bar ... ... and sees Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton huddled together at the end of the bar, whispering to one another. Intrigued, the voter approaches the pair and asks them what they are doing. "We're planning the 2016 election," brags Trump. "What's going to be different about it this year?" the voter asks. "Well," Clinton replies, "We're going to rig the vote count and put me in office, as well as delete a few of my emails." "What's so important …

[Obamacare Meeting] *Biden raises hand* *Obama sighs* Yes Joe? Will the doctor still have lollipops? Sure. *Entire Congress sighs w/ relief*

Read a magazine at the doctor's office so I'm all caught up on Clinton running for president. I don't think Bush can beat him.

Presidential Race No one voted in the presidential election because everyone was so upset with the shit show. While trying to figure out what to do, Obama suggests an actual presidential race around the white house. They let bernie sanders run but since he's old he takes 24 mins. Trump goes and gets a time of 14:36. Hillary is all fired up and ready to beat trump. She is hopping over shrubbery and stepping on flowers. She finishes just under 10 mins. After she finishes, she proclaims, ""wow that…