Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the telly. -Tim Vine

Conjunctivitis.com... ""Conjunctivitis.com - that's a site for sore eyes"" - A Tim Vine joke, just thought I'd share.

My girlfriend said to me ""as a young boy, was your mother very strict with you"" and I said ""let's make one thing absolutely clear..."" ""My mother was never a young boy."" Tim Vine

Today I had dinner with my boss and his wife It was a complete disaster. The wife asked me ""how many potatoes would you like?"" and I said ""I'll just have one"". She said ""it's alright, you dont have to be polite"", and I said ""alright then, I'll just have one you stupid cow"". ^^^thanks ^^^to ^^^Tim ^^^Vine