Pregnant Women vs Pregnant Men When women get pregnant it's all ""Oh congratulations that's wonderful"" and ""I'm so happy to have a life inside me, oh I felt it kick"" But when men get pregnant it's like ""Jesus Christ what the no how did this happen stay away from me"" and ""Oh Lord it's moving help me oh god help me it doesn't work like this Jesus AH IT'S KICKING ME NOOO YOU DID THIS TO ME SHARON""
Coworker: crazy weather we're having Me: [as loud as possible] SHARON FOR THE LAST TIME I WILL NOT KILL YOUR HUSBAND FOR A BAG OF REDVINES
[Spider sits at computer and Googles probability of being eaten by human in his lifetime] Holy shit Sharon, COME SEE THIS
ME: Jesus Christ, this is the slowest train I've ever travelled on BRIDE: Someone please get this prick off my dress
May I talk to you about Jesus Christ? - how I get out of any situation
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