I had to find a new doctor. My last one used bloodletting to cure everything. Whatever you do, stay away from Dr. Acula. EDIT: This joke brought to you by Mitch Hedberg, with slight alterations because I didn't remember it right. These credits made possible by someone who bitched at me.
accidentally called out my dentist's name during my colonoscopy
Twitter is like a soap opera for some of you. I'd like to be the one who sneaks into the hospital and unplugs your life support.
[first day as a doctor] You seem depressed. Also you look underweight, how's your diet? [nurse interrupts me] "Dr that's the model skeleton"
14yo: My voice keeps randomly changing DOCTOR: That's normal at your age 14yo: [Batman voice] Thank you doctor DOCTOR: That's not normal
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