A Sergeant calls his men out to line up on parade. He calls out: "Private Smith, take one step forward!" After Smith does so, the Sergeant baldly announces: "We've just had word.....your mother is dead!" Whereupon Private Smith collapses on the ground and starts crying uncontrollably. When the Commanding Officer hears about this, he calls in the Sergeant to bawl him out. "You can't just tell someone their mother is dead like that! Use a bit of tact and subtlety when dealing with something like…

[Morning after wedding] *dead husband lies on bed* PRAYING MANTIS: [On phone] Mom *sobs* it happened again MOM: Ok hurry up and eat his body

My mother talks into the phone like a combat soldier calling in air support.

I've turned the wifi off. The 15yo's world has ended. I feel like one of the 4 Horseman of the Apocalypse. Conquest, War, Famine & Dad.