Good Texan I saw a fundamentalist Muslim extremist fall into the Rio Grande River this morning. He was struggling to stay afloat because of all the guns and bombs he was carrying. Along with him was an illegal Hispanic drug cartel member who was also struggling to stay afloat because of the large backpack of drugs that was strapped to his back. If they didn't get help, they'd surely drown. Being a responsible Texan and abiding by the law to help those in distress, I informed the El Paso County Sheriff's Office and Homeland Security. It is now 4:00 pm, both have drowned, and neither authority has responded. I'm starting to think I wasted two stamps.