My mind is like a steel trap. Rusty and illegal in 37 states.

Robot: I have to dry my feet carefully after a bath. Monster: Why? Robot: Otherwise I get rusty nails.

'Appearances can be deceiving' said my fortune cookie message; then I realized I've cracked open a snail.

Me: Define Illegal Cop: You're drunk, riding a horse, shooting a gun and yelling 'For Narnia' Me: I want my lawyer.