[Pilot intercom] Me: "Hello, this is the co-pilot speaking. Not to cause alarm but the pilot has passed out and I lied a lot on my resume."

I'm flying to NYC today and I don't care what the flight attendant says, I will be using my seat cushion as a fartation device.

My flight doesn't have wifi so I'm just gonna hit the call button and tell the flight attendant every time I think of something amusing.

When a celebrity tweets a whiny complaint at an airline, I vigilantly pray for them to get stranded on a runway for 72 hours.