I just saw a can of ginger ale that wasn't on an airplane and it looked really uncomfortable.

When someone tells me to have a safe flight it's like ok I will do my best but just so you know I am not the pilot of the airplane

"Shotgun!" I yell as I push past the others and climb into the seat. I am subsequently escorted from the airplane.

[Pilot intercom] Me: "Hello, this is the co-pilot speaking. Not to cause alarm but the pilot has passed out and I lied a lot on my resume."