You kick one baby and everyone's like "That's not a football" and "He's not breathing, call 911." Draaaaaama.

*Maintains eye contact with the soccer mom feeding her kid organic kale chips while giving my kid a snickers bar.

I beat this orphan kid in baseball the other day... Only because the little cunt didn't know where home is!

When I was a kid, I played football with a broken nose for an entire season... We couldn't afford a football.