You kick one baby and everyone's like "That's not a football" and "He's not breathing, call 911." Draaaaaama.

*Maintains eye contact with the soccer mom feeding her kid organic kale chips while giving my kid a snickers bar.

What do you call a kid with no arms and legs playing baseball? 2^nd base.

When I was a kid, I played football with a broken nose for an entire season... We couldn't afford a football.