Limericks in the key of brown These are collected from a weekend's worth of poop limericks my friends and I were exchanging on the spacebooks. I'll add more as they get added. --------- There once was a man from Peru Who found something gross in his shoe. It was smelly and brown And made the man frown When he realized the thing was a poo. ----- There once was a crazy old limey, who had a pickup quite shiny. His truck was bright red, Except for the bed, Since that's where he emptied his hiney. ----- There was once a bumpy old road, Down which old man Jenkins had drove. 'Twas unfortunate fate, Mr. Jenkins had ate Enough beans to make him drop a load. ----- Old Jenkins knew it wouldn't last as the chance to pull over had passed. He felt a strong urge his bowels would purge As he hit the speed bump way too fast. ----- There once was a restaurant quite regal, That became a hassle for Legal, For into their soup, One had poured such a goop, That was made up of all things fecal! ----- The man dug a wide shallow hole And deposited a load like a coal He was happy at first But things just got worse When he realized he'd misplaced his roll. ----- Remember William Hung? On American Idol he sung. He sang like a goat, Because down his throat, Is where Simon Cowell put all his dung. ----- There once was a beagle named Snoopy, Whose owner was constantly poopy. The kids could all tell, Because of the smell, When Charlie Brown's trousers were droopy. ----- There once was a baseball-mad Brit, Who never could manage a hit. He struck out again, And just past the bullpen, He slipped in a big pile of shaaaaving cream! Be nice and clean! ----- There once was a lady from Richmond, A mean-hearted, angry old bitchmond. Her poops were so wide, They became the state's pride, And they charged twenty dollars admishmond. ----- Let me tell you bout old man McTeases: He had a bad case of the sneezes. He sneezed once so hard His anus was scarred And it looked like something by Reese's. ----- There once was a man named Pierre, Who was frugal with his derriere. He would simply just wipe Using one or two swipes And would keep it to only one square. ----- Hear now of old Ebeneezer, He was a nasty old geezer! Once, in a foul mood, He ate rabbit food, And his dooks came out just like Malteasers! ----- Did you hear about ol' Mao Zedong, He had trouble controlling his bung! When he read Karl Marx, His brain sent off sparks And his bottom exploded with dung. ----- There once was a man from Woonsocket Who always had pills in his pocket. When his belly got sore, He'd take three or four And dookies would shoot like a rocket. ----- There was an old man with a hat Whose belly was jolly and fat. He heard of a diet And thought he would try it Poop doodoo caca dook scat. ----- There was an old man from Darjeeling, Whose habits were quite unappealing. If the sign on the door Said: 'Don't shit on the floor', He'd flip over and shit on the ceiling. ----- The lady from Al Jazeera, She'd make food that'd give you the fear-a, That when you sat down, If the brown starts to crown, You'd erupt with massive SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII ----- My best Indian friend Suri, Will cook food with assloads of curry. Then on the toilet you'll sit, And out comes a shit, That looks like a chocolate McFlurry! ----- A man who was built like a stick, Had an awfully disgusting trick, Crouched on his knees, He'd eat pounds of cheese And his bottom would pop out a brick. ----- A dog I knew went by the name rover, And whenever he found fields of clover, He hunt for four leaves Then sniff out the breeze And release a brown cloud of his odor. ----- The President has lots of power. That's why he shits in the shower. He don't give a hoot, Once it's out of his chute, But his plumber is surly and dour. ----- KFC sells a shit ton of chicken. But the recipe just might you sicken. They rub every bird, With a freshly ground turd. Sure it's gross, but it's so finger-lickin'. ----- There was a commander-in-chief Who put a big log in his brief He should have worn Pampers 'Cause once in the hamper It caused his wash-lady some grief. ----- The president went to the kitchen To cure an insatiable itchin' He let out a dook And said to the cook ""Clean this shit up and then quit yer bitchin"" ----- The president said ""what a view Up here where the sky is so blue!"" He let out a strain, Then said ""change the name Of this plane to Air Force number TWO!"" ----- Remember the dictatorial leader? The one that was oh such a feeder? He'd eat sausage and kraut, then let out such a shout, when his keyster turned into a bleeder. ----- The president said with a stutter ""Puh puh please hand me the puh putter."" The caddy replied As he stepped to the side ""You're leaking a bit of butt butter."" ----- In long-ago times lived a wizard, who made potions with livers and gizzards. He fed the foul king, whose rear started to sting, then erupted in a mighty brown blizzard. ----- As a candidate, Lincoln quite feared, His bald face would be soundly jeered. He pooped his hands brown, And spread it around, On his chin and he called it a beard. ----- Remember President Taft? As big as an inflatable raft! Till the Great Weight Loss Day, When with a Prune Juice Puree, He emptied his monstrous aft. ----- Poor old president Lincoln Went out for a night of hard drinkin' He awoke the next morn with his bed filled with corn and announced ""these sheets sure are stinkin'!"" ----- I heard once of president Roosevelt Who does what a president doesevelt His gut was all swollen 'Cause he busted his colon and messed up all of his clothesevelt.