An old man at the doctors office... His daughter took him to a doctor for a check up. During the check up - the doctor asks the old man about his visits to the toilet at night, and he replies: ""I wake up, walk to the bathroom and God turns on the light for me"". Confused, the doctor finishes his procedure and tells the old mans daughter about the whole ""God-light"" thing. To which she replies: ""Oh no! He's been using the fridge again!""
My company just gave the janitor the Employee of the Month Award in a big ceremony that he spent hours cleaning up afterwards.
THERAPIST: what's the problem? WIFE: he replaces words with animal names just to annoy me ME: I don't do it on porpoise
It's like my Uncle said, no body, no crime Coworker: I only asked how your weekend was...
PATIENT: Someone gave me pills at a party and my stomach hurts DR: We took x-rays. You have spongy dinosaurs expanding inside you right now
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