A joke my girlfriend's German grandmother told me. A drunk fisherman is walking home from the bar and is about to be very sick. He gets home but outside he vomits all of the beer he drank and all of the sausages he ate on the sidewalk. A few moments later while the drunk is gathering himself, a small dog runs up and begins eating the sausages the man threw up. The man, only now just realizing there's a dog in front of him, is confused. ""Okay"", he says to himself. ""I remember where I got the b…

A 5-year old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?' Grandma replied, Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend.' Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She starte…

We find Jesus... We find Jesus playing golf one beautiful cloud free day (as heaven is floating on clouds) He is joined by Moses and an elderly man wearing tacky old golf clothing. Moses plays first, he swings his golf stick with precision befitting a man who has used a staff since dawn of humanity, the ball flies perfectly, almost, when it suddenly falls straight into the lake just shy of the green surrounding the hole. Unfazed, Moses walks over, spreads his arms, and parting the waters to reve…

An old lady goes to buy cat food.... The person working the cash register says ""I'm sorry ma'am but there has been reports of elderly people eating this stuff, we'll need to see proof of your cat."" The old lady sighs and leaves. The next day she comes back with a box that contains her cat. The clerk sees this and let's her purchase the cat food. The next day the old lady comes in and says she needs some dog food. the clerk says ""I'm sorry ma'am but the same rules apply for dog food."" So she …