Just introduced my teen daughter to Monty Python, thus completing my duties as a father. I will now retire to Florida and await grandkids.

News:"a black bear hovered over a convenience store in central Florida for more than seven hours..." They have hover bears? jealous again

Every idiot in Florida just turned on their electric heater & they crashed the grid. Now I'm forced to watch my neighbor sleep in the dark.

"What is your reason for divorce?" She pronounces 'Kansas' like the second part of 'Arkansas'