Shortly before the end of his term in office in 2009, George W. Bush was asked what he thought of the credit crunch. He replied: "It's my favourite candy bar." On his first-ever visit to a library, Bush asked for a book on the Iraq War. "No way," said the librarian. "You won't be able to finish it."
Interviewer: It says here on your resume you can make chicks laugh, how? Me [holding a chick in my hand & tickling it]: I'm a miracle worker
My boss just sent me the heart eyes emoji. Since we're clearly being honest with each other I replied with a monkey with a gun to its head.
The scariest thing about being a doctor is if you ever, even once, accidentally call it a "cooter" you're fired for life.
Heard rumors that a coworker slept her way to a promotion. Damn, if the bosses only saw how much I sleep at my desk I'd own this place.
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