#sports

[in a normal speaking voice from top row of football stadium] Good luck today guys

I root against my college football team. That place put me $80,000 in debt. It'd be like rooting for the bank that holds your mortgage.

Sorry I embarrassed you when I tried to draft Smaug, but I totally misunderstood the concept of a Fantasy football league.

I'm the first base coach for my son's baseball team tonight and boy it's really awkward teaching 7 year olds about kissing.

*watches soccer* *watches soccer* *watches soccer* *watches soccer* *has to pee* *watches soccer* *gets up to pee* *misses goal* :/

If a soccer player falls in the forest and nobody is there to see it, do they still flail their arms and cry and act like a big dumb baby?

One of the wheelchair basketball team players has been tested positive for WD40 :(

Being with you is like listening to golf on the radio.

Sometimes I forget I'm from Florida and then I remember when I was 9, my dad had me drive the golf cart so he could get drunk on the course.

If you don't like your son, grab a football and tell him to go long. Never throw it. He's gone now.

I wish behavior in football was acceptable in all jobs. Like if u clear a paper jam out of the printer you can stanky leg on your boss' desk

The closest feeling I get to being a soldier in war is when I'm accidentally in the path of a thrown football.

Wife: I finally caught you. I could hear it from the other room. You were watching a dirty movie. Me: No. Its just womens tennis.

It's weird they report fantasy football during Sports Center. That's like the local news telling us how your SimCity is doing.

I wonder how many old people have died trying to cut open tennis balls to put on their walker.

You kick one baby and everyone's like "That's not a football" and "He's not breathing, call 911." Draaaaaama.

Did you guys hear about the football player who hits women? No the other one. No the other one.

Golf ball sized hail wouldn't be so destructive if we just made golf balls a lot smaller.

"Wow, you're tall.. Do you play basketball?" "Wow, you're short. Do you play mini golf?"

Nothing beats the last 30 seconds of a close basketball game. They should just make all games 30 seconds long.

Dog The Bounty Hunter's greatest weakness is getting distracted when the fugitive throws a tennis ball.

one time i slam dunked a basketball so good we were out of school for a week people just needed time to process

"Try to score a goal. Don't use your hands. See you afterwards." - Soccer coaches

A gritty reboot of basketball where we find out all the players' moms were murdered by circles and that's why they throw rocks at one.

Hey guys with the super loud mufflers on their cars. I used to put a baseball card in my bicycle wheel spokes. I was 12.