#house-as

Pity the poor porpoises This guy had a few porpoises in his swimming pool even though he knew it was illegal to have them as pets... One day, he thought he would add a few sea gulls to have around his pool to add to the ambiance... So, he ran an ad to find some sea gulls - - someone with a few sea gulls answered that ad... The guy went to buy the sea gulls, but he was told the sea gulls were only a few days old and were still too young to move... the guy promised he would be very careful with th…

Man's Best Friend A man feeling very depressed walked into a bar and ordered a triple scotch. As the bartender poured him the drink he remarked, ""That's quite a heavy drink. Is something wrong?"" After quickly downing his drink the man replied, ""I got home and found my wife in bed with my best friend."" ""Wow"", exclaimed the bartender as he poured the man a second triple scotch, ""No wonder you needed a stiff drink. This one's on the house."" As the man finished the second scotch, the bartend…

Drunk As Hell.... Three men had a very late night drinking. They left in the early morning hours and each went to their home. The next day, they all met for an early pint and compared notes about who was drunker the night before. The first guy claims that he was the drunkest, saying, "I drove straight home and walked into the house. As soon as I got through the door, I blew chunks." The second guy said, "You think that was drunk? Hell, I got into my car and wrapped it around the first tre…