#david-cross

What do you call a melon that's not allowed to get married? Can't elope. I have finally found what the best thing before sliced bread was – massive sandwiches. Jimmy Carr We don't eat dolphins because they're cute and intelligent. If a dolphin was ugly and tasted good, we'd be eating it by the truckload. No one would care. The only negative thing that ever happened to a tuna was that it was born butt ugly and it mixes well with mayo. David Cross

A wife was talking to her husband about reincarnation. "What exactly is reincarnation?" he asked. "It's when you die and come back as something completely different," she explained. "So," he suggested, "I could come back as a pig?" She sighed wearily. "You're not listening, are you?" The other day I threw a boomerang at a ghost. I knew it would come back to haunt me. I decided I'm going to will my body to a bunch of necrophiliacs, so somebody can get some pleasure. David Cross