I would be so ashamed if I had a kid who didn't want to be famous.

My 2yr old pointed at my crotch and said, "Big pee pee!" I'm taking him with me everywhere I go from now on.

Her: What brings you to speed dating? Me: I just ran out of the fancy shampoo my previous GF bought for me.

I'm only watching the royal wedding for the bishop. I've always wanted to see a person who only moves diagonally.