Once a neighbor kid asked if my dog had any nicknames & I lied & made a bunch up & now whenever I see her she asks how Tree Trunk' is doing

"Uh-oh!" - My toddler, looking me dead in the eye while he feeds his dinner to the dog

Yes,I put my kid on a leash. I'm not scared of her being abducted. I just REALLY wanted a puppy instead.

The year is 2027. Voice to text is flawless. A young child points at a bird and says, "Duck". His mother slaps him.