If it looks like a douchebag, and smells like a douchebag, then I must be walking by an Abercrombie & Fitch store.

If "Precious" is based on the novel by Sapphire, "Twilight" is based on the catalog by Abercrombie & Fitch

'Appearances can be deceiving' said my fortune cookie message; then I realized I've cracked open a snail.

Me: Define Illegal Cop: You're drunk, riding a horse, shooting a gun and yelling 'For Narnia' Me: I want my lawyer.