Fun fact: Peanut butter also sticks to the roof of your ex-husband's BMW

I'm not saying my wife's a snob but even her colostomy bag is a Louis Vuitton.

I'm only watching the royal wedding for the bishop. I've always wanted to see a person who only moves diagonally.

My wife reads two books a week and I just told my son that an idiom is a group of idiots.