Me: Define Illegal Cop: You're drunk, riding a horse, shooting a gun and yelling 'For Narnia' Me: I want my lawyer.

Our dog runs away so much, I'm just going to spray paint our phone number on her side.

I need an aggressive dog-barking sound on my phone, for whenever anyone knocks on the bathroom door when I'm in there

I spent an hour explaining how WiFi works to my dad and my dog. The dog gets it.