My Grandma would be pissed if she found out how many times she's died so I could get out of having to go somewhere.

"You know, your ex-wife was trash! I never liked her." "We're still married, Grandma." "She's such a lovely girl."

No, I can't make it to your hair washing party tonight. I'm washing my h... erm i mean my dog ate my grandmother is dead.

"That Will Smith is a nice young man, I hope he wins Celebrity Apprentice." No Grandma, that's Ben Carson and this is the Republican Debate