Whenever I'm behind a college girl in starbucks she has to order a triple mocha dark chocolate raspberry ugg boot white iphone 5 spice latte

Went to "The Social Network." I ran into people I didn't like in high school and they kept showing me pictures of their kids.

ME: my therapist told me to stop talking about people as if they weren't here THERAPIST: [rubbing temples] i know

America only considers a war a success if we build a Bed Bath and Beyond in the enemy's capital.