Leonardo DiCaprio is totally getting laid tonight! This has nothing to do with the Oscar, just a safe assumption to make each and every day.

if you ever want to witness an Oscar worthy performance, ask any person from twitter their follower count and watch them pretend to not know

I can't stand fake people. Unless you're with me and we are faking that we are sober for a cop. Then you need to be Oscar winning fake.

Just got nominated for an Oscar for my role as "man surprised his credit card was declined"