Tennis Elbow A guy walks into a doctor's office. When the doctor walks in, the guy says, ""Doc, I threw my arm out playing tennis. I just need a shot of cortisone."" ""No problem,"" says the doctor, ""but first, I need to take a urine sample."" ""Why on Earth for?"" ""Well,"" the doctor explains, ""We have a new urinalysis machine that can diagnose any known ailment just from your urine. So we just need a sample."" ""I don't have to go now,"" the guy says. ""Can I bring you a sample in the morni…

Wife: We need to go to the store. We're out of milk. Me: We can wait a few days. Wife: We're out of beer. Me: *dives in the car*

[car dealership] WIFE: let me do the talking, ur a terrible negotiator SALESMAN: u can drive off with this car for 18k ME: we'll double that

*wakes up to wife and son screaming* me: What are you guys yelling about? them: YOU'RE DRIVING