I can't wait till I have kids so I can drive slowly past McDonalds and tell them there's food at home when they ask for some..

I wonder if serial killers watch Criminal Minds like chefs watch the Food Network: "Oh, bad move, I'd have done it this way..."

I lost 30 lbs, and did it without exercising or changing my diet! Ask me how. Not right now, though. I'm waiting for my meth dealer to call.

Free will is good, but free pizza is better.