Dad: relax kids, no monkey business in a nice restaurant [table over] Monkey 1: *slams briefcase shut, stands up* Monkey 2: not worth it man

my brother turned 30 this weekend and i'll never forget what mom said when dad told her we're growing up too fast "they're eating dog food"

[dies and goes to hell] me: "mom? dad!? what are you doing here!" dad: "we used to switch your food with the dog's food sometimes."

Here's one for the mothers out there: the three bears retold A far more accurate account of the events of that fateful morning.... Baby bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty.. 'Who's been eating my porridge?' he squeaks. Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair.. He looks into his big bowl and it is also empty. 'Who's been eating my porridge?!?' he roars. Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from t…