Kids: haha you have to work and we don't have school today Me *closing the front door* I changed the wifi password. Love you guys!

Her: Prove that you care about me Me: *Takes my phone off the charger and plugs in hers

Finally looked up from my phone screen and noticed I'm being passed around by the crowd at a Blink 182 concert.

Our dog runs away so much, I'm just going to spray paint our phone number on her side.