Sometimes my dog barks so loud she farts which coincidentally is also Donald Trump's foreign policy platform. (Also his domestic platform.)

"As first lady you would be responsible for the White House china. Any thoughts?" MELANIA TRUMP: Oh, Donald says he's getting rid of China

[Donald Trump's election speech] "America, I have only 1 thing to say" *pulls off wig & mask revealing Ashton Kutcher* "YOU'VE BEEN PUNK'D"

DONALD TRUMP (45 minutes into watching wall-e): this film is not what i hoped it would be