A hypochondriac visits his doctor and claims he has Ebola. Annoyed, the doctor asks if the man has visited Africa recently. The man replies, ""No... b-but I have all the symptoms. I CHECKED online before coming in today."" Now, normally the doctor would humor this man, but this was a very busy day and he had already come in 100 times this year. So the doctor overreacted and started berating the man. ""You FOOL! There's nothing wrong with you! STOP WASTING MY TIME!! Can't you see there are SICK p…

Donald Trump and his chauffeur are driving on a country road. Suddenly, a pig runs in front of the car. The chauffeur has no time to react, and runs over it, giving it instant death. The chauffeur stops the car, gets out and looks around. He spots a small farm-house in the distance. Donald says to his chauffeur, ""You should at least tell them that you've killed the pig"" The chauffeur does as he's told. A couple of hours later, the chauffeur stumbles out of the farmhouse, covered in lipstick ki…

My boss just said, ""Everyone dies alone."" I told him, ""you don't have to die alone, just get in your car and aim for a school bus.""

Dead-Baby Jokes What is funnier than a dead baby? A dead baby in a clown costume. What is the difference between a baby and a onion? No one cries when you chop up the baby. What is the difference between a dead baby and a water melon? One's fun to hit with a sledge hammer, the other one's a water melon. What is the difference between a baby and a dart-board? Dart-boards don't bleed. What is the difference between a baby and a mars bar? About 500 calories. Why did the family take the dead baby al…