My Wife's nickname for me is "Microsoft" because I'm good with computers. RIGHT HONEY? Hold on guys, she's not done laughing.

[job interview] Interviewer: are you familiar with microsoft word Me: yes i've heard that word many times

When you pick a name for your kid, type it in Microsoft Word first. If the red squiggly line shows up, please reconsider.

Bill Gates is giving 100k to help develop a better & safer condom. I don't care how good it is, im not wearing a condom that says Microsoft.