I would pay so much money to watch the Harlem Globetrotters change a baby.

My neighbor gave my kid a whistle today. He is survived by his wife Linda. In lieu of flowers, donations can be made to my bail money fund.

Wife still out of town. I'm afraid if I order Dominos again they will call child services.

When I was a kid my family was so poor my parents were forced to give my imaginary friend up for adoption.