Me: "This Chardonnay is so nice, I can really taste the oaky undertones" "Sir those are just chunks of cork from opening it with your keys"

You mean you can actually put the cork back in a wine bottle? Hahahaa WHY!!??

Standing in the liquor store, trying to decide if tonight's dose of self-loathing and regret should have a screw-top or a cork.

The Affluence of Incohol I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in my cellar and was told by my wife to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink, or else... I said I would and proceeded with the unpleasant task. I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink with the exception of one glass, which I drank. I then withdrew the cork from the second bottle and did likewise with it, with the exception of one glass, which I drank. I then withdrew the cork f…