"Hello, this is Steve, my wife is listening." - How I answer every phone call since my wife bought Bluetooth for my car.

This guy's wife gets a cat... This guy's wife gets a cat and he hates it. So one day, while his wife is gone to work, the guy puts the cat in the back seat of the car, drives a few blocks, and lets the cat out. When he gets home, the cat's sitting there on the front porch. So the next day, the guy waits until his wife leaves for work again, then throws the cat in the car, drives a mile away from the house, and tosses the cat out. When he gets home, the cat's sitting there again on the front porc…

A dinner surprise! Once upon a time there lived a man who had a maddening passion for baked beans. He loved them but unfortunately they had always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. Then one day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry he thought to himself, ""She is such a sweet and caring woman, she would never allow this to carry on."" So he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Some months later his car broke down on the …

A man walks into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, Perfect timing. You're just like Moishe. Passenger: Who? Cabbie: Moishe Glickman. There's a guy who did everything right. Like my coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Moishe every single time. Passenger: There are always a few clouds over everybody. Cabbie: Not Moishe. He was a terrific athlete. He could have gone on the pro-tour in tennis. He could …