My roommate asked to borrow my earbuds... Roommate: can I borrow your earbuds? Me: sorry, I don't share. Roommate: why not? Me: ear diseases... Roommate: what are talking about?! Me: haven't you ever heard of hearing AIDS?! Note: I apologize for nothing! Dad jokes for life!
[arcade] KID: dad, some guy is hogging the claw machine DAD: hey buddy, why don't you give the kid a turn LOBSTER: BACK OFF WE'RE IN LOVE
Mom: I think I'm gonna make a twitter Me: Mom it costs like $500 a year... Mom: That's expensive I'll stick with Facebook Me: Aww too bad
8 out of 10 men prefer not to date psychotic women with bad tempers, emotional baggage and daddy issues. To the other two.... Hi, I'm MJ
MOM STOP LICKING YOUR FINGER TO CLEAN MY FACE I'M IN A GANG NOW
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