What do you call a Lada at the top of a hill? A miracle. ------------------------------------- A man drives his Lada to a mechanic and asks, ""Can I have a spare hubcap for my Lada?"" The mechanic says, ""Sounds like a fair trade."" ------------------------------------- A Russian man enters a car raffle. Dropping the ticket in, he asks the attendee what the prize is. ""First place is a Lada,"" he says. ""And what's second place?"" asks the man. ""Two Ladas,"" the attendee replies. ------------------------------------- How do you double the value of a Lada? Fill its gas tank. ------------------------------------- What's the difference between a Lada and a Jehovah's Witness? You can shut the door on a Jehovah's Witness. ------------------------------------- A Russian returns home from the mines to find his Lada stolen. He contacts the police and informs them of the situation. ""How would you like the notice to read?"" the police asks. ""Say that whoever stole it can keep the car,"" he says. ""Just ask how the F*** they got the thing started!!!"" ------------------------------------- What's the max acceleration of a Lada? 9.8 meters per second, but only downwards. ------------------------------------- A man goes into a Lada dealership and asks to see the newest model. The dealer takes him to see the new 16-valve car. Upon examining, the man says, ""There's no way this is 16-valve."" ""Sure it is,"" replies the dealer. ""8 in the engine, 8 in the radio. The radio is an optional extra."" ------------------------------------- A young Russian girl is walking down the street when a car pulls up to her. A man rolls down the window and says, ""If you come for a drive with me, I'll give you some candy."" The girl replies, ""Look, Dad, YOU bought the Lada, YOU deal with it!!!"" ------------------------------------- Seeing that his Lada was suffering from rust problems, a man applied rust remover spray to the car. It worked: the Lada disappeared completely. ------------------------------------- The last 16 pages of a Lada owner's manual actually contains a detailed and up-to-date list of train and bus timetables. ------------------------------------- How many people does it take to build a Lada? 4; 2 to fold it, 2 to paste it. ------------------------------------- How do you know if your Lada has been burglarized? Nothing's missing. ------------------------------------- 2 women stop their Ladas at a light and begin a conversation. ""You know each other?"" says the husband of one of the women. ""Of course we do,"" she says. ""We meet at the garage every morning!"" ------------------------------------- How do you avoid speeding tickets? Buy a Lada. What do you call a Lada driver who has a speeding ticket? A liar. ------------------------------------- What's the difference between a Lada and a golf ball? You can drive the golf ball over 200 meters. ------------------------------------- A man buys a Lada, but after only one day of ownership returns it to the garage. ""It's no good mate, the car's no good for me"" says the man. ""Why not?"" asks the car dealer. ""See that steep hill over there?"" says the man, pointing. ""Well, it will only get up to seventy five up there!"" ""That's not bad really, sir,"" says the dealer. ""for a Lada especially. I can't see a problem with that."" ""Trouble is,"" said the man, ""I live at ninety-five!"" ------------------------------------- Why do Ladas have heated rear windows? So you have something to keep your hands warm while you're pushing them. ------------------------------------- What do you call a Lada with twin exhausts? A wheelbarrow. -------------------------------------