Late for School Mother: "Come on, Victor, you have to get out of bed or you'll be late for school." Victor: "Mom, do I have to? All the teachers hate me, and all the students hate me, too." Mother: "Yes, you do." Victor: "Give me one good reason." Mother: "Because you're 34 years old, and you're the principal."

"Hey mom can Kyle come over?" mom: Kyle from your school or Kyle who is really bad at finishing other people's- [From outside] LOOFAS!

If I could really LMAO, I could get into these jeans my mom has saved for me since high school.

The biggest thing I've learned at art school is the art of disappointing my father.