Hell is an eternity of being sober in a room full of drunk people.

Professor: "Did you just show up drunk to my exam?" No way "Hungover then?" Nope "There's a lime wedge on your face"

Just told everybody in the bar to shut the hell up so my date could hear the full effect of my velcro wallet opening.

Place a STUDENT DRIVER sign on top of your car, and suddenly nobody suspects you of drunk driving.