[Offensive] One from the pub again: an old Jewish man wins the lottery... It's a big old lottery, and he has to go up on stage to accept it. His speech? He thanks his mum, his dad, his family, and then Hitler. Everyone's all riled up. They ask: why Hitler? He rolls up his sleeve, flips his arm over, and tells the crowd: ""Well, he gave me the numbers.""
Looking for a nice, wholesome girl I can bring home to mom. She only dates nice, wholesome girls
Wife: We need to go to the store. We're out of milk. Me: We can wait a few days. Wife: We're out of beer. Me: *dives in the car*
I feel a weird sense of pride when I'm so drunk that autocorrect just gives up.
Old enough to know better, but still too drunk to care.
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