Waiting for everyone in this church service to bow their head in prayer so I can update my fantasy football roster.

[walks up to guys playing basketball] "mind if I join?" you any good? Hell yeah I'm good. Toss me the orange sphere

[a spider watching soccer when someone kicks a ball into the net] hell yeah, now eat it

The good news is that there is baseball in heaven... The bad news is that you're pitching on Friday.