I judge the strength of the economy based on what type of candy people hand out on Halloween.

An enterprising divorce lawyer would set up a booth on a Sunday at a cut-your-own Christmas tree farm.

Mall Santa: what do you want for Christmas? Me: drugs. Mall Santa *whispers* meet me in the food court in 20 minutes.

Me: Define Illegal Cop: You're drunk, riding a horse, shooting a gun and yelling 'For Narnia' Me: I want my lawyer.