One time a baby threw up in my mouth & it still wasn't as disgusting as Nicholas Cage's haircut in National Treasure 2.

I was trying to get the bubbles out of my screen protector and I accidentally bought a horse on eBay.

There should be an eBay for evil people so they can purchase evil people stuff without having their motives questioned.

Mail some pirates a treasure map leading to the exact spot where you need a hole dug for a tree.