What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh. Eh, it works better if you tell it out loud, but you get the ... eye-dea.

'Appearances can be deceiving' said my fortune cookie message; then I realized I've cracked open a snail.

Me: Define Illegal Cop: You're drunk, riding a horse, shooting a gun and yelling 'For Narnia' Me: I want my lawyer.

At my funeral I want a dozen doves recaptured.