Fun prank: tell your kid World War II ended by the Americans dropping an F-bomb on Japan. Then later when his teacher calls, act shocked.

our teacher used to make us do 100 lines if we'd been naughty. my nose was wrecked at the end of it

[covered in olive oil, salt, pepper and other herbs and spices] Professor: "That's just not what I meant when I said "come prepared"..."

9: My teacher doesn't wear makeup like you do. I guess she doesn't need it because she's younger. Me: Get out of the car.