This was a favorite of my deceased stepfather... A housewife is living in the inner-city during a crime wave and is concerned for her safety. She phones her husband, a travelling salesman, and lets her know that she's so scared she wants to purchase a guard dog. The husband agrees that it would be a great idea and she makes plans to go to the pet shop the next day. She arrives at the shop. ""Do you have any guard dogs?"" ""Lady, this is the biggest crime wave we've ever had. Everyone for miles is sold out of guard dogs. I do have something you should see, though."" The guy comes in close and whispers ""I have a monkey that does karate."" He brings the monkey out of a cage. The woman is skeptical. ""No, really, let me show you. Here, monkey, karate my board."" CHOP! The monkey cracks the board in half. ""Wow, that is something!"" she exclaims. ""That's nothin', check this out! Hey monkey, karate my brick!"" With a loud CHOP, the monkey smashes through the brick as if it was made of a potato chip. ""That is amazing! I'll take him!"" She takes the monkey home, convinced that her concerns of safety are solved. The travelling salesman comes home that night. Not seeing any evidence of a dog, he asks the wife what happened. The wife says ""The guy at the pet shop said everyone was sold out of guard dogs but he sold me a monkey that does karate!"" ""Karate? Karate my balls!"" CHOP *Rest in Peace, Lee. Whenever I hear a good dirty joke, I always think you'd love to hear it.*