I told the bartender I'll have a Lou Gehrig's Disease. It's a tall glass of tequila. You drink half of it, stand up to make a speech, drink the second half of it, and you're dead.
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Wife: We need to go to the store. We're out of milk. Me: We can wait a few days. Wife: We're out of beer. Me: *dives in the car*
I feel a weird sense of pride when I'm so drunk that autocorrect just gives up.
Old enough to know better, but still too drunk to care.
told my girl I was going to a wine tasting, now she's coming and I was just gonna eat a dead bird and some expired cat food behind a Costco
Joke ID:
01KKTN8W3AG2VDVBN6S55YGSBE